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Post by Doomsday on Oct 2, 2008 15:10:24 GMT
Why would I be to blame for 'spoon'?
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Post by BiTe-mE on Oct 5, 2008 16:18:17 GMT
Not you, I mean RabbitDrive.
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Post by Doomsday on Oct 5, 2008 16:42:39 GMT
Ah, 'tis confusing with two people with the same name.
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Post by harmony on Oct 7, 2008 15:37:20 GMT
Ah, 'tis confusing with two people with the same name. we could call you bruce to avoid confusion...
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Post by Doomsday on Oct 7, 2008 16:29:01 GMT
Nah, call RD RD instead of Ben.
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Post by spina on Oct 11, 2008 2:52:41 GMT
Isn't this thread about jokes?
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Post by Huddo08 on Oct 11, 2008 4:06:34 GMT
Yeah!!! Here's a few.
OK, the Funniest Joke in the world as proven by scientists: Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?". The operator says "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says "OK, now what?"
And now the runner-up joke: Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson were going camping. They pitched their tent under the stars and went to sleep. Sometime in the middle of the night Holmes woke Watson up and said: "Watson, look up at the stars and tell me, what do you see?" Watson replied: "I see millions and millions of stars." Holmes said: "And what do you deduce from that?" Watson replied: "Well, if there are millions of stars, and if even a few of those have planets, it's quite likely there are some planets like earth out there. And if there are a few planets like earth out there, there might also be life." And Holmes said: "Watson, you idiot, it means that somebody stole our tent."
The top joke in the UK: A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "That's the ugliest baby that I've ever seen. Ugh!" The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!" The man says: "You go right up there and tell him off – go ahead, I'll hold your monkey for you."
And the funniest joke in my home land (Australia): A woman rushed to see her doctor, looking very much worried and all strung out. She rattles off: "Doctor, take a look at me. When I woke up this morning, I looked at myself in the mirror and saw my hair all wiry and frazzled up, my skin was all wrinkled and pasty, my eyes were bloodshot and bugging out, and I had this corpse-like look on my face! What's WRONG with me, Doctor!?" The doctor looks her over for a couple of minutes, then calmly says: "Well, I can tell you that there ain't nothing wrong with your eyesight."
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Post by Doomsday on Oct 11, 2008 10:54:50 GMT
A rabbit and a bear both find a genie in the woods and get 3 wishes each. The bear uses all his 3 wishes on wishing that all the other bears in the world were female. The rabbit wishes for a motorbike with unlimited fuel and a helmet. The rabbit is left with one wish, instead he jumps on the bike and rides off, but as he does so, a careless whisper in the wind says "I wish the bear to be gay!"
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Post by spina on Oct 12, 2008 13:36:23 GMT
2)A Wolves supporter arrived at Molineux and asked for a ticket. Since he hadn't been for a while, he needed to ask about the prices. "How much to get in ?" he asked. "16 quid" said the ticket seller. "Well, here is 8, I only watch one side."
1) A Family of Manchester City supporters head out one Saturday morning to do their Christmas shoplifting. While in Rebel Sports the son picks up a Manchester United footy jumper and says to his 10 year old sister, "I've decided to become a United supporter and I would like this for Christmas". His sister, outraged by this, promptly whacks him round the head with her carton of Winfields and says, "Go talk to Mum.
Off goes the little lad with the United footy jumper in hand and finds his mother. "Mum?" "Yes son?" "I've decided I'm going to be a Devil supporter and I would like this jumper for Christmas". The mother is outraged at this and throws her moccasins and a full stubbie of beer at him, promptly whacks him around the head and says, "lets go talk to your father".
Off they go to the prison during visiting hours with footy jumper in hand and find Bubba, his father. "Dad?" "Yes son?" "I've decided I'm going to be a United supporter and I would like this jumper for Christmas". The father is outraged and promptly whacks his son around the head with his fists and says, "No son of mine is ever going to be seen in THAT", and then kicks him from one end of the rec. room to the other for further good measure.
About half an hour later they're all back in the car and heading towards home (Salford). The mother turns to her son and says "Son, I hope you've learned something today?" The son says, "Yes knackers I have." "Good son, what is it?"
The son replies, "I've only been a United supporter for an hour and already I hate you City bastards."
A cynic may say that Derby County footballers never took the issue of a club song seriously, perhaps because their constant losing made it seem unlikely that they would ever need one.
What did Mark Bosnich do after Chelsea warned him to stay away from drugs? He bought a 15 inch straw
What are the first five words a Wolverhampton player in a three piece tailored suit hears? "Will the defendant please rise"
Two Arsenal players are sitting on the porch of their house, tripping on LSD. Suddenly, a firetruck races down the street, flashing its lights and howling its sirens. After it passes, one turns to the other and says, "Phew! Man, I thought he'd never go away!"
A primary teacher explains to her class that she is a West Brom fan. She asks her students to raise their hands if they, too, are West Brom fans. Everyone in the class raises their hand except one little girl. The teacher looks at the girl with surprise and says, "Mary, why didn't you raise your hand?"
"Because I'm not a West Brom fan," she replied. The teacher, still shocked, asked, "Well, if you are not a West Brom fan, then who are you a fan of?" "I am an Aston Villa fan, and proud of it," Mary replied.
The teacher could not believe her ears. "Mary, why, pray tell, are you an Aston Villa fan?" "Because my Mum is a Villa fan, and my Dad is a Villa fan, so I'm a Villa fan too!" "Well," said the teacher in a obviously annoyed tone, "that is no reason for you to be a Villa fan. You don't have to be just like your parents all of the time. What if your mum was a prostitute and your dad was a drug addict, what would you be then?" "Then," Mary smiled, "I'd be a West Brom fan"
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